


Held

by Iresolatio



Category: Animal Kingdom (TV)
Genre: M/M, Past Child Abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-09
Updated: 2019-08-09
Packaged: 2020-08-13 15:09:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,765
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20176321
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Iresolatio/pseuds/Iresolatio
Summary: Deran tries to prepare Adrian for prison.





	Held

**Author's Note:**

> This one’s for @onecoloradaykeepsthedoctoraway who asked for Adrian’s side of the story for Hold me. Thanks also for reading it for logic and sense and detail.

Adrian heard Deran open the door. He turned over his phone to check the time. Late. Deran came into the dark bedroom and Adrian heard his pants hit the floor, rustle of sheets, and then he had his arms full of his boyfriend. Something serious had gone down, because Deran wasn’t usually so good with the non-sexual touching. He felt Deran’s hand slide under the elastic of his boxer briefs. Maybe today… _wouldn’t_ be the day for a purely comforting touch. Adrian thought of asking Deran what was wrong, but he knew it was him that was the problem. He’d felt the quality of the silence when he’d said, ‘a year, maybe two’ inside. He’d seen it when he’d said fifteen years. 

But it was on him, and not Deran. Even though it wasn’t fair. He tried to quiet his mind and ignore the thought that if it weren’t for Deran and his family, he’d be looking at less time, and Livengood would have held up his end of the deal.

Deran’s hand loosely circled his cock and gave it a tug. Adrian felt himself getting hard despite himself and the stress he was under. Deran knew how to touch him. This wasn’t Deran’s usual fast desperate reach for Adrian, and for pleasure, but laboured in some way. Adrian thought about asking Deran if he was drunk but decided not to. He knew Deran well enough to know, and he thought this looked like maybe, _maybe_ three beers, which was nothing for him. Deran was just upset about the obvious: him. Well so was Adrian for himself.

Deran pushed down his underwear over his hips. Adrian wanted to stop him – this was ugly, and he hated now more than ever as they were running out of time – but he couldn’t. This was his fault and if Deran got something from it then he ought to let him. It was hard to see Deran struggle like this, sex was OK, it was when it got to simpler affection he struggled, and it eventually turned sexual because it was the only way he could express his feelings. Adrian knew who had made Deran this way, and every single time he saw that wizened bitch he hated her a little more. He pretended he didn’t to her face because it was safer, playing the idiot surfer. Adrian knew there were probably healthier ways to deal with this but now wasn’t it. He was just going to do whatever would help Deran. Maybe afterwards they could hold each other, talk. It was the only way to get there.

Adrian lifted his hips and Deran took that as the invitation it was to take his boxer briefs off, leaving him bare. All he could see were the gleam of Deran’s eyes on him the dark, nothing about the expression, all his attention focused on Adrian’s pleasure. Adrian didn’t want a blowjob, not when he well knew there were loose teeth. He’d seen Deran probing his mouth with his finger. Then there was the half shut puffy eye and cut across his nose and his mouth. Adrian just hurt thinking about it, and angry like he hadn’t been for a long while with Smurf.

He didn’t know about the other Codys, but Deran was close to broken, unable to ask for or take when presented with whatever Adrian could offer. Occasionally it would be OK, but Deran basically didn’t like it when Adrian touched him first. It had to always be on Deran’s terms, and he only touched Adrian in a non-sexual way when he was emotionally tired or distressed or worse – feeling possessive. It was rarely in public. Adrian had known something had changed (even if he hadn’t let on) when in front of Linc Deran had immediately put his hand on his shoulder and kept it there, stroking him, and had touched his arm as well. Reassuring, Adrian had thought at the time, and then after he’d realised it had been, _you’re mine._ That’s why it hadn’t been a surprise when Deran had kissed him on the couch afterwards.

Adrian had always known that Deran loved him in ways that weren’t the usual colours but all the colours, dark included. Before they got back together again it had made him happy to know that Deran was seeing Mark Liston, or Clark Lincoln, because it had meant that Deran could maybe find happiness with someone else, because he’d known when he’d broken up with him that Deran might not be able to. That Adrian had known that he wasn’t made that way and had broken up with him anyway. Deran loved him with all his heart, and Adrian loved that focus that undivided attention because who didn’t love that? But it scared him at times, what that love could do. Could make Deran do.

“Adrian?” Deran warily petted at his soft cock.

“Sorry,” mumbled Adrian, pulling himself away from his thoughts. He had to make these last few days and weeks with Deran count. He might never even have it again. To think he’d missed out on that time in between because Deran had left him bleeding on a bathroom floor. It seemed like a small thing now because even at the time he’d known why. He’d also known that if he’d done the same to Deran, Deran would have taken him back straightaway, because that’s all he knew of love.

“Is it my face still?” Deran’s hand went to his cheek but paused without touching the raw wound. “You want something else?” He squinted at Adrian. “You want my ass?”

“Deran—” Alright, a small part of him really liked fucking Deran, pushing into his body, but Adrian didn’t want sex at all, but he also knew that turning Deran down would make him upset. He didn’t cope with it, and Adrian assumed he saw it as lack of Adrian’s love for him. They didn’t need that spiral now.

“You can have my ass,” said Deran, desperate. He pushed down his briefs and leaned over Adrian for the drawer. “You can have my ass, please.” Adrian saw Deran close his eyes, him knowing it had come out wrong, but Adrian knew exactly what he meant anyway. Deran wanted to be close to Adrian and didn’t know how to ask for it, and the only way he could was by ‘paying’ Adrian with sex. _I have something to give, please love me._ The way he had done for his mother.

Deran pushed him flat on the bed, squirted lube on Adrian’s hardening cock. That wasn’t going to be nearly enough, for Adrian maybe, but Adrian did it every day of the week. They did this roughly once a year, Adrian fucking Deran, always close to a time when Deran got into his head that maybe Adrian would go looking for someone to fuck because Deran didn’t ‘let him’. Never mind the fact that Adrian was perfectly happy being fucked, liked it, and would do that into the future.

“Lube your ass,” said Adrian. As much as he liked it tight, he didn’t get off on Deran’s pain as he slid in. When Deran looked like he was about to argue, Adrian grabbed the tube, jacked up off the bed and roughly placed Deran face down. Adrian squirted a generous handful of lube and slapped it on Deran’s ass, pushing a rough finger in to make sure. He’d be fine. He lined up and thrust in, feeling a little resistance at first. It was pretty good. Deran seemed into it too, eagerly thrusting back in counterpoint.

Adrian liked the warm tight grip on his cock, Deran’s ass clinging to him. He tried to angle it right on the way in and the way out, hitting his prostrate, and at Deran’s gasps was doing it right. He kept at it, even and predictable so that Deran could focus on building his pleasure, concentrating hard. Deran sometimes had trouble because he was usually too distressed when he wanted to do it, and any new movement threw him off his game. But it was working, the rhythm, nothing like a bottom fucking a top to make sure it was good for both. Not that Deran wasn’t good at it. Adrian sped up; he could feel a difference in the gasps from Deran and knew that he himself didn’t have long. He didn’t mind, he’d get this over with. Maybe they’d finally—

—talk. Adrian collapsed on top of Deran’s back, and once he’d got his breath back, pulled out of Deran. He lay on his side and dragged Deran to his chest, so that Deran’s freshly fucked ass was pressed to him, wet and warm, spooning him. More than that even, lying pressed full length against Adrian in the only way he could get him – after sex. Adrian held him firmly, trying to tell him what he meant to him without words. _Fifteen years._

“Do you remember that that Australian you said you met at Lombok airport? Ran the oversized baggage counter?”

Lots of detail. Adrian had mentioned Quinn once. Once and he’d been drunk. He’d regretted it ever since. The airline had lost one of his surfboards and he’d had dealings with Quinn as he sought to find it again. Adrian didn’t understand why Deran was hung up on Quinn now though.

“Yeah?” Adrian replied cautiously.

“So, you fucked him, right? Like you fucked me? You do that? You like that?” Deran was shaking.

“Yeah?” Adrian still didn’t know where this was going. He’d fucked Quinn sure, but Quinn had been a trans man so it hadn’t been the usual for him. Not that he was going to tell Deran about that, because he’d lose his mind thinking that Adrian was into pussy. He was already too obsessed with Adrian to give him a new complex.

“So, do that. If it comes to jail. Prison. You fuck them. It’s safer,” said Deran. His breathing as off, didn’t match the words so most of it came out gasping and desperate. “I’m serious Adrian. I don’t care if you have sex with other people now, but just be safe and it’s safer if you fuck them. I looked it up. You’re also good at it. I really liked it.” Adrian felt Deran’s butt cheeks tense in memory.

OK. That was unexpectedly sweet. Adrian didn’t know what to say to it, so he continued to hold Deran close, knowing how precious it was, closeness, touching and what it had taken to get there.

“I really liked it too.”


End file.
